Friday, September 23, 2011

The secrets to self-confidence


Are you struggling with poor self confidence? Are you sick of feeling inferior and less competent than others? Do you envy people who are in control and assertive? Do you feel helpless, anxious and that you lack control?
First, realise you’re not alone.

Many people feel the same way and are struggling with low self confidence. Our modern society is so demanding and perfectionist orientated that many people just feel they can’t live up to these high expectations.

What’s self confidence?

Confident people are generally self assured and self reliant. They take responsibility of their own life and don’t wait for other people and circumstances to make them feel better about themselves. Confident people are not deterred by difficulties or setbacks and embrace life’s challenges.

True self confidence doesn’t exclusively come from the things we achieve in life but from the self assurance we feel when we are happy and satisfied with who we are. When it comes down to it, it’s really an inside thing.

The irony of self confidence

The truth is that even highly confident people have doubts about themselves. No matter how inferior you feel to others, understand no one is perfect. Many people on the outside appear to be confident but really they are feeling nervous and unsure of themselves on the inside.

It’s actually very difficult to tell if somebody is self confident or not. Ironically, many others who may appear to be awkward or lacking in confidence may in reality have a solid inner confidence and are so tough that they aren’t worried about the looks and opinions of others.

Work on and tweak your body language

It is estimated that 80 percent of the impression you create to others comes from your body language. To increase your self confidence start to think about your body language and the impression you make on other people including the subconscious messages you are sending out.

Fake it until you make it!

Pay attention to your posture, facial expression and eye contact as they can speak much more effectively than the words you say. Make sure you smile, make eye contact and create a positive, enthusiastic impression. This will make other people think that you are confident.

Don’t worry if you feel the opposite though! At these times just imagine that you’re an actor playing out another character in a film- play the part until it becomes second nature to you.

Make sure to avoid controlling your body in an unnatural way and end up looking like a fake. Just be subtle and adopt a friendly posture to make you seem more confident than you feel.

Look your fear in the face

People with low self confident fidget, find it difficult to make eye contact and show signs of anxiety when they are with other people. If you want to become more self confident you have to throw away these mannerisms. Ask yourself this tough question “What am I so scared about?”

Dig deep down and answer this question to yourself and be honest.  Understand what’s motivating you to act so nervously. When you have faced your fear in the face- you are half way to curing the problem. Remember, to conquer something you have to first expose it.  Taking your fear to God and asking Him to help you face and deal with it will help you very much rather than just relying on yourself and your strength.

Learn to become assertive and take control

This is one of the most important keys to becoming more self confident. You have a right to stand up for your wants and needs, so you have to learn to develop an assertive attitude and say no to others when you wish to.  Jesus was a very assertive individual and did not avoid saying exactly what He wanted even if He offended others like the Pharisees who were very powerful and influential at that time. 

If you start taking more control of your life and being dependant on yourself your confidence will really improve. Conversely, waiting on others and depending on other people for help all the time will crush your feelings of self confidence.

Don’t expect to be perfect

Make sure to not be overly dependent on what other people think of you. Don’t constantly evaluate and compare yourself unfavourably to other people. Just remember that no one out there, no matter what you seem to think, is 100 percent confident. Just be determined to put in efforts to personally develop yourself in areas you feel unsure or not so confident about.

By now you should be enlightened with the truth that so many people who seem self confident may not in reality be so. Everyone in society has a fa├žade, everyone has faults. So don’t be too hard on yourself and never expect to be perfect.

It is possible!

The great news is that self confidence is not passed down by genes; it can be earned and cultivated throughout life. As long as you’re super motivated and willing to put in the effort - it is possible to become the highly confident person you long to be and achieve anything you put your mind to!

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