Thursday, September 22, 2011

How to deal with a control freak

Is someone close to you trying to patrol, control you and organise your life the way they please?

Do you feel like you are about to literally choke because they are trying to control and stop you from living your life the way you want?

The most important step in learning how to deal with controlling people is to know the psychological reasons behind their actions. With this knowledge you will be more able to understand controlling people and deal with them appropriately.

A broken past

There are many reasons why certain people become controlling. In many cases, the excessive need for control has its origins in a traumatic personal history. Survivors of severe trauma often develop highly controlled or controlling personalities.

Many controlling people have lived through past experiences in life in which they felt frightened, vulnerable, violated or powerless and as a result grow up to become over defensive and vigilant.

A feeling of powerlessness

Controlling people are driven mainly to act this way because of fear and anxiety about what might happen if things don’t go the way they want or plan. They have an excessive need for control because they feel a lack of it in their own lives.

Seeing people helpless makes controlling people feel not only powerful but comforted. Controlling people seek to overpower individuals who are submissive and non assertive, but back away from confident and assertive people.

Low self worth and esteem

It is common in amorous relationships to have one partner try to control the other. In this case the motivation behind the attempt for control stems from a lack of self esteem.

A controlling partner feels insecure and suspicious of their partner in the relationship. The only way to control their fears is to attempt to control the other partner’s life, what they do and where they go. For the controlling partner learning to let go of the excessive need for control can be a massive challenge.

The ways they use to control others

People who are controlling use a variety of methods to try to gain control over a certain person or situation. They may use emotional manipulation such as making their target feel bad, guilty or wrong about something they have done.

For example a smothering, overprotective mother may try to control her adult daughter by making her feel guilty for going out with friends and leaving her alone at home. The mother could also use intimidation techniques against her daughter as a control mechanism to dictate her actions and personal life.

Stand up to them!

If someone is trying to control you then you have take some affirmative action to stop this from continuing in your life. Face up to them and assertively state that they have no right to dictate the way you live life. If you are living in the same place as the controlling person then maybe it’s best to think about moving out and finding a place of your own. Ultimately you have to make these decisions on your own.

If you are financially dependent upon a controlling person then you have to learn to become financially independent. If you are in need of monetary support from the controlling person then they will always have an excuse to control you because of your dependency.

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